I am the one

I was introduced to this song a few months ago by my parents. The 1st time I heard it, I was in my car alone and almost lost it. I can identify w/ this song b/c God has been extremly good to me. And sometimes, I get so wrapped up in my own mess that I forget to tell him thank you. But I had to come back...my heart made me run back, and tell him thank you! ;-)

"I Am The One" by Kurt Karr

I am the one
I am the one
I am the one that came back to say thank you Lord
For all that you've done
I'm grateful for everything you've done
I am to come back
God made run back
And tell you thank you, thank you, thank you,
I had to come back
God made me run back and tell you thank you

Solo:
There's an old familiar story
Written over in glory
There were ten men who were bond and dying from leprosy
They said if we can just get to Jesus
We know he can free us
And just as they believed
Jesus spoke and healed their infirmity
Oh nine of the lepers were so excited about their miracle
They turned and ran away
And they never took the time, to stop and give thanks to their healer
Oh but one of the lepers, he didn't follow the crowd
But he went back to Jesus and cried out loud he said

Everyone:
There is no way I could just turn away,
I had to come back and say
Thank you Jesus
I am the one
I am the one
I am the one who came back to say thank you, Lord
For all that you've done
I'm grateful for everything you've done
I had to come back
God made me run back and tell you....

Thank you Lord
Thank you Lord
Thank you Lord
I had to come back
God made me run back
And tell you
thank you, thank you thank you
I had to come back
God made me run back
And tell you......
Had to come back and thank you, Lord I, thank you
Had to come back and thank you, Lord I, thank you
Had to come back and thank you, Lord I, thank you
Had to come back and thank you, Lord I, thank you
Had to come back and thank you, Lord I, thank you
Lord I thank you
Lord I thank you
Lord I thank you
Lord I thank you
Lord I thank you
Lord I thank you
I had to come back
God made me run back
And tell you thank you!!!

Cleaning out my closet

I'm gonna smile

I'm gonna laugh

I'm gonna sing my favorite song

I'm gonna do all it takes not to let you see me sweat

And yea some may call it a "front"

But hey, this is how I survive

This is how I stay strong

In the back of my mind, I know you will give anything just to see me break

But I refuse to give you the satisfaction

I refuse to let you think you have that affect on me

BECAUSE YOU DON'T!

I'm done trying to make sense of the way you treat me

"Maybe its me"

"I shouldn't have said that"

NO, FUCK THAT!

Call me what you want

You can call me a spoiled bitch 500 times and I wouldn't give a damn

It's not my fault that I'm used to being treated a certain way

Blame my mother

She's the one who told me that I deserve to be treated equally or better than she has

And allowing you to mistreat me or treat me the way you think I should be treated would only mean me settling

And I refuse to settle

Settling for you would mean me lowering my standards

I'm young and I have my whole life ahead of me

My time is precious honey

And I can no longer spend it hoping you will change

Praying that things will get better

I'm not afraid to admit that sometimes two people just don't belong together

And although you may seem like a good catch

Truth is, you're really not all that

You're nowhere near the person I would like to spend the rest of my life with

So, therefore, you are dismissed

I no longer need your presence in my life

I've came to the conclusion that you were one of those seasonal people that pastor talks about on Sunday mornings

And that's fine

I'm used to people coming in and out of my life

The difference between you and them?

You will NOT be missed

DIRTY music!

Something about the music we dance to in the clubs and listen to does not sit well with me at all! It's not that words that gets me moving, its the beat of the music that I like. But still, is it really okay to even vibe, move side to side, bob ya head to song with lyrics such as:

"...I dont want that HOE I want that BITCH!"-Plies
"..watch me Superman that HOE!"-Soldier Boy
"...Take it back HOE, now run it back BITCH!"-who knows who sings this
"I gotta ass so big like the sun, I hope u got a mile for a D%*k I wanna run. Slap it in my face, shove it down my throat..."-Trina
"...She only get D*&k way down in her tummy, now she tell all of her friends, now her friends wanna F#$k me...ask them HOES about me."-Lil Wayne
"U'on know nan HOE!"-Trina
"BITCH I'm me!"-Brisco
"Gone shake that A$$ B!%h Ima throw this money!-USDA

You catch my drift yet? Tell the truth, you have danced to at least 1 or 2 of the songs listed above.You listen to these songs with your homeboys/homegirls. You sing these lyrics when they come on the radio. But why? Are you really thinking about the context of the song, or are you just tryna shake your booty and have a good time? I dont know why, but as Im getting older, I really dont like to listen to songs of this nature. Give me some songs with some meaning!!!!!!! Some "Scared of Lonely" by Beyonce, some "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis, even some "Circles" by Luther Vandross. Not saying that I have a problem with any of the artist listed above, cause truthfully, I shake my ass from time to time when the songs are on in the club. But when I really think about it, its like.."Damn, do I REALLY wanna dance to this ish?" So I warn you, especially my ladies, beware of dancing and listening to DIRTY MUSIC!!!

Senseless Dream?

Today I decided to take my nap as usual. But I was not prepared for the emotions I would experience after waking up. Usually, I feel so rejuvenated after awakening from my naps, but instead I woke up feeling so drained and still tired..

I closed my eyes @ approx 3:50 this afternoon. Sometime during what started out to be a peaceful nap, the scene of the dream opened in the bathroom of my parents home. I was crying...like boo hoo crying, uncontrollably. I then discovered that the inside of my mouth was stuck to my teeth. (I know it sounds weird). I was in sooo much pain. Its funny how you can feel pain while sleeping. So, I went in the den where my mom was and tried to explain to her what was going on with me. She was on the computer completely brushing me off. She saw that I was upset because tears were streaming down my face, but its like she ignored my pain. This really disturbed me. This was my mom, the one person who is ALWAYS there whenever I need her to be. I couldn't understand why she wasn't trying to help me. So I took an index card and wrote:"HELP, MY GUMS ARE STUCK TOGETHER!"...she continued to check her email or whatever it was she was doing on the computer.

Scene change:
Suddenly, I was in my room getting dressed for prom or homecoming. I can tell that I was still very upset about what had happened in the previous scene because I was still crying and mad at my mother. My family and friends were all in the living room area waiting for me to come out. But no one was trying to help me get dressed or console me while I was crying. I looked out the window and saw that my date had arrived. But he didn't get out of the car. Instead of my parents telling me that he was here, they gathered everyone outside of the house. Everyone got inside of their cars and waited. Feeling pressured, I began to rush and finish getting dressed. I went outside and saw my date drive away. Me and my mother attempted to call his phone but he didn't answer. So my mother volunteered to drive me.

Along the way, my mom made so many stops that I grew so impatient and angry with her. We stopped at a corner store. My friends KeAira and Alana were there. They were all dressed up for the dance. I remember them being so excited. I was trying to tell them to rescue me from my mom, but they were too excited to care about my dilemma. They drove away. I felt so helpless standing in the parking lot. (by the way, the only car in the parking lot was my mom's).

Scene change:
Still not at my destination, my mom and I ran into a lady and her daughter from our church. We are really close with this family. To my surprise, the little girl was pregnant at 10 years old! When I saw this, I broke down and started to cry. My mother and the girls mom looked at me as if I were going nuts. But to me, this was the biggest tragedy of my dream so far. I speak to this little girl very often. I always tell her to stay focused in school so she can go and audition to be on Nickelodeon when I graduate from college. We have a hand shake that we do when we see each other and everything.This is the same little girl who came with me and my mom to pick out my mom's puppy Diggy. This is the same little girl who plays with my little cousin. The same little girl who text messages me demanding that I send pictures of Diggy and Chu Chu. (Just trying to show yall how close we are) So how in the hell is it at all possible for her to be pregnant?! I couldn't understand this. I was so distraught I just walked away and got into my car. Where did my car come from? Who knows...

Scene Change:
So when I get into the car, my friend Nicole is in the passenger seat and her mother is in the back seat. I was so confused! But hey, I kept driving. I remember driving a black car with black leather interior...(not my car at all). I was trying to tell Nicole how I needed to get to my high school dance. She didn't seem to notice that I was dressed up or anything. It was almost like I was dropping them off home. We came to a red light and I saw the rapper Nelly passing by. Not thinking, I did a wide left turn right into incoming traffic. I just knew that Nicole and her mom were both in big trouble.But when I looked to my right, they were there with a look on their face as if to say,"What the hell is wrong with you?!"..I can tell that Nicole's mom was really pissed with me. And then out of no where, I began to cry once again....

Snap back to reality:
I woke up to my roommate calling my name. My pillow was soaked, my tears were dried up to one side of my face. My eyes were burning. I felt so tired. I looked at the time: it was around 6:30. Remembering my dream, I immediately wrote Nicole on Aim to make sure she and her mom were okay. She said they were fine and asked why. I told her about my dream. She thought it was crazy and told me to pray. I thought to myself yea, that seems like the right thing to do. but the truth is...I haven't prayed to God in months. I haven't been going to church like I used to. I just feel so disconnected from God. My friend Kendra recently had a crazy dream and I told her to pray about it because God was trying to get her attention. But how could I tell her to pray when I don't even pray? Hypocritical maybe?

I don't know how to feel about this dream. I just had to write it down since I remembered it so well. What do u think?